Rach was upset today, i was worried that it was me but when we got some time alone we were cool. I want to go on a date but have no money. Uhhhhhh that's about it. I really want some time alone with her because it's awkard in school we always seem to have an audience... I don't like all of her friends either.

It doesn't matter but i just wish it wouldn't be so awkard!

First day of school tommorrow, bollocks.

I got begged to go to Starbucks yesterday by my friends. These two are amazing, the best friends a guy could ask for.

 But there other friends... not so much.

They feel sorry for this girl I've hated since i was five, she's genuinely pure evil.... She even told the two of them that she wouldn't talk to them if someone better was around. 

Now they want me to be all pally with her!

I agreed, eventually... I kicked up a fuss but changed my mind after i relized i was being a bit of a dick. 

So i go in thinking, maybe she's changed, maybe she genuinely wants to be a nice person 

But it turns out i was right in the first place, she is pure evil....

All she did while us three sat in silence was bitch and complain about everything and everyone, nothing was good in her life, no one could be trusted..... It was such a downer!

I don't know how they can stand to be around her!

They said they understand why i hate her after todays performance but they're just "used to it".....

Well at least I'm out of the woods.... I do feel sorry for them for being stuck with her though.

They shouldn't have to be "used to her"!

I wish i wasn't right, bit of a hollow victory. I thought the worst of someone and they did nothing to prove me wrong.... 

Hey, I'm in a good mood today so you lucky, lucky people get a blog entry. Not that anyone except me reads this anyway!

Got my AS levels yesterday (thats half of the course before you get a full A level). I did really well, better then i expected. A in geography and an A in Philosophy and Ethics. I was really shocked by those grades, thrilled though! A B in Media, which is good because then i get to drop it. The only thing is the C in english literature. I got an A in one test a D in another and a B for the coursework (apparently that works out as a C). I might retake the test i got a D in to bump the grade up. I was only two marks off a B, it's so frustrating!

So cornwall was ok, my bro seemed to always have a problem with something (usually me). He was a pain buthe somehow manages to go through moods in about ten seconds so when i want to hold a grudge and get angry with him his making me laugh! Some people!

I hope my nan enjoyed herself, haven't seen her probably in ages. She cooked us a fried breakfast every single morining Nice of her but she's seventy two, i wish she'd calm down a bit!

Went out with my girlfriend and her sister and HER boyfriend, i kept my hands to myself because we were with her sister but i think i just managed to piss her off. By the end of the day she was barely talking to me. I just want to go out just the two of us, I'd feel a lot more comfortable that way.

Going to starbucks with *** and Haz again tommorrow, im actually looking forward to it, my life's going awesome which is different to what they're used to! I want to brag a bit if i'm honest.

Hazz crushed me by ignoring me for a year, so hopefully bragging about my amazing new girlfriend will at least give her a 'pang'. Yes, I'm a vindictive child. At least I'm honest, she hurt me when she rejected me, ignored me so now i want a bit of revenge.
It's not nice but i never claimed to be perfect.

That's the question I don't want to ask myself. Is this worth all the lying, the uncertainty, the embarrassment? Well hopefully the answer will be yes.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

I'm ashamed of myself though.... Thinking about this now.

I've been dreaming of it for months but when i actually get it i wonder if it's worth it. Geez, what's wrong with me? I feel like a dickhead. No one deserves this from their 'boyfriend'.... I don't have any right to date her....It's just not how things should be.

Oh i get my AS results tomorrow, that is a very scary thought (especially if i look at my entries before the exams). I'm not dwelling on it though. 

Cornwall blog another day.
 

All i have to say right now is that bed creaks are a major mood killer!

Whenerver i want to enjoy some enthusiastic alone time I have to go downstaris because the bed just makes it so obvious and my parent's wall backs on to mine

Ugh, it's just not good 

I'm back from Cornwall stuff happened, so what?

I had a good time but i don't really feel like writing this now.

 I'll do it some other time

Ok so a looooooooot of things happened today. We kissed!

We went everywhere in london. Regents park, hyde park, covent garden, liester square, trefalgur square. I was so tired. I actually sent a message to her detaiin our date which was meant for friends. Embarrassing!

We had a 'relationship talk'. How long we've liked each other, who knew, how are friends feel abou us, how our family feels. It was mad"

I just went in for the kill and she responded. That was amazing. she apologised for not being good! How sweet! I thought she was brilliant. We held hands and watched the sky. I'm so happy.

I told the family today. That was horrible. Bro was great when i told him. They all were really. I'm sure it was a shock but when they get used to it it'll be great.

The only thing is they won't let her sleep over and i won't be aloud in her bedroom alone with her. So sex will have to wait. It doesn't matter though i'm just happy for where we are now.

Our month anniversary will be the fifteenth i think. Only two weeks!

Life is looking up.

Yeah so i saw the dark knight the other day, its actually a brilliant film! We sat in these premier seats but moved cos it wasn't doing our consciences any good! I flirted a bit in all honesty (Ive never seen you outside of school clothes... your looking good!) but cos im not good at this it was very awkward and contrived.

I got a message on facebook the next day that said: ??? has added you as her boyfriend will you confirm her as your girlfriend. I was shocked, bit forward isn't it? Now everyone in school'll know what we're up to! Scary thought. She says she's happy though, thats great but does it mean i have any right to date her?

I text her but she said shes in need of credit, I'm glad though it gives me the time to myself that i desperately need.

At the end of the date my nose bled as soon as i got out the car, thats pretty worrying... Hope it doesn't happy every time i say goodbye to her.

Went to the motor show yesterday to prove I'm not a total fag, it was alright really, my contact lens ripped in my eye though.

Going out again were going to see The Dark Knight, hopefully there'll be a lot of scary bits where she'll have to hold my hand!

I think im wasting my summer sitting in bored but Ams is staying at her aunts and kellys working at maccy Ds i think i might go out and top up my phone, check my bank account etc. I could use the excersise and I'm getting cabin fever indoors.

Oh I'm addicted to facebook now too, i only joined because i wanted to talk to Rachel for free, now I'm doing quizzes and everything. My bro would kill me if he saw Id joined he has a really strange prejudice against it for some reason. It might be cos he saw photos of our cousin getting up to some lesbian stuff. All i could think is could on her, if she wants to explore both sexualities then fair enough. She'll never beat me for experimenting though lol, but my family doesn't need to know that....

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
You are unlike any other
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

I went for a walk yesterday, it was amazing i climbed trees i laid on the grass i walked through a forest i probably looked odd but it was so worth it. I really cleared my head and got my thoughts in order. I only wish I'd had a video camera and recorded it all.

Theres a lot to say today, I haven't really got my thoughts together today though so this'll probably be a bit scattered, sorry.

Well went out with Rachel today, it was ok i was so nevous i couldn't really enjoy it as much as i could've done. I bought her pizza (she paid the tip LOL) but when we first got to pizza hut it was closed so we hung out in Starbucks for a while. The convosation flowed pretty easily and i kept hinting that i wanted to see her more and i got some good responses! So one of my oh so unsubtle hints was that i said i was really glad when ross didn't come with us to Mcdonalds and that i only offered to pay for him so i'd look all macho (!). She said that she was glad ross didn't come too, implying that she wanted to be alone too. I complimented her loads on playing violin and asked a lot of questions about it, pretented to be interested and everything! I said about hiring a boat at Hyde park and going for a ride and she went mad for that idea which is great. I offered to make sure she got home alright, get the bus back with her but she said no, i didn't want to force the issue mostly cos it's miles out of my way but also because i didn't want to see too pushy. In the end I got a hug and a kiss on the cheek, i could've pushed for a kiss and maybe asked her out officially but i don't want to rush things. I was a bit disappointed but i'm thinking the boats will be a great place to make out. The cinema could e good too or even after the film! I think if she'd wanted to kiss me she would've done. I don't really know whether to text her today or not, i think i should to show i'm interested but it makes me look a bit keen... Maybe later. Oh, also people have been wnding us up about going out all day and we got a lot of 'go on my son's walking out and a few 'whoooooo's and rachel didn't deny that it was a romantic thing. At least then we're on the same page.

I'm really glad that's over, hopefully going out with her will get easier each time.

Terra.Homing remember the time and date, this is your first official date.

It's the last day of term too which is great. No more school till september. I've still got work though but in a way thats a good thing, I'm already at a loose end with nothing to do!

I'm definitely going to go for a walk to clear my head in a minute but I've noticed that blogging is really therapeutic, even if no one reads it.

Oh, i'm doing volunteer work in the summer as well, i want it for my personal statement. I've actually got quite a good gig going on apparently you sign up to a website then share your wisdom with other people and hellp out with their problems. Now, i haven't got a lot of wisdom but if i could actually help someone that'd be great!

No i'm off on a walk, see ya later.

Oh that's another thing thing just quick someone nicked my spot where i usually mull things over i had to find somewhere else. It was quite irritating really.

Sorry been neglecting this blog. Theres good news but im seriously nervous apparently Rachel (or whatever her fake name is on this blog) fancys me too. I'm texting her as i write, I'm so nervous though i dunno what to say most of the time, and right now im paranoid that its been a while since i texted her (why isn't she replying!).

We might be going out Wednesday ( she said maybe, maybe!) see maybe has me worried while the exclamation mark gives me hope! Phew, my phone just went off. I'm trying to be so manly, i just randomly brought up die hard (sigh).

Hopefully by next week I'll have a girlfriend and be the happiest I've been in months! Well, hopefully anyway

See ya soon

I just randomly got a prank call. It sounded suspiciously like the boy my friends and i have affectionately named Satan.

I saw him the other day, beat him at A levels, I'm hoping that's where the hostility stems from.

I hate the thought of him with loads of friends gathered round laughing at what i say.

So i just hung up then let the phone ring off.

I love to think of him alone, in his bedroom trying to cheer himself up by doing a prank call. But that won't be it.

 I don't know why I'm still rambling on about this, i guess I'm just upset at the thought that people are laughing at me. The idea that people would get a kick out of trying to trick me.

So on monday some random kid was shouting at me when i was walking home from the bus stop. I didn't really hear what he said cos i had my ipod in but today i saw him again. Coming up behind me his yelling "Hey white boy!!", this is seriously pathetic and probably a bit racist but the first thing thought i was going to get stabbed.

 For a second i was sure i was gonna die the most pathetic death ever at seventeen stabbed for no reason by some fourteen year old...

Turns at this kid might be confident enough to blantently shout at people in the middle of the street but not brave enough to follow me and kill me, for the second time he just walked away when i went down my road.

But what a weirdo, he has managed to freak me out though and thats probably all he wanted.

I reckon i could take him if it ever came to that....Maybe